Cash gifts and wedding etiquette in New Zealand

Asking for money used to be the one thing you couldn't put on a wedding invitation. That has changed. In New Zealand, cash gifts are ordinary now and most guests would rather give something you'll use than guess at a list. Whatever awkwardness is left comes down to wording more than the request itself.

Is it rude to ask for cash?

A blunt request reads badly. A warm one doesn't. The difference is framing. Lead with the fact that having your guests there is the gift, then offer the cash option for anyone who wants it, because plenty of them will. Most people genuinely want to know how to help.

• Do say what it's for. Something like “a little toward our honeymoon” or “helping us into a first home” gives the gift a purpose and makes it easier to give.
• Don't name an amount. Putting a figure on it is the one move that reliably reads as rude.
• Do keep it short. One or two lines on the invitation or your wedding website is plenty.
• Do leave people an easy out. Make it clear that turning up is the part you care about and mean it.

A line that tends to work: “Your company on the day is the greatest gift. If you'd like to do something more, we're saving toward [our honeymoon / a first home] and anything at all would mean a lot.”

How much should a guest give in New Zealand?

There is no fixed rule and anyone who tells you there is one is guessing. As a rough guide, the common ranges in New Zealand look something like the figures below. Scale them to your own budget and to how close you are to the couple.

• A casual acquaintance or a work colleague: somewhere around $50 to $100.
• A friend: around $100 to $150.
• Close friends and family: $150 to $250, or more if you can and want to.

The old idea that you should cover the cost of your plate is a myth and a stressful one. Give what suits your means and your relationship, not what you imagine the venue charged per head.

Making cash gifts feel less transactional

• A note. The best thing a digital registry adds over a bare bank transfer is the message that travels with the gift, so encourage it.
• The option to give privately. Some guests would rather not have an amount on show. A good registry lets them.
• Thank-you notes with specifics. A record of who gave what is what makes a real, particular thank-you possible and that is the whole point.

Still deciding how to collect cash gifts in the first place? Wishing well alternatives and how to choose a wedding registry cover the options and how it works shows the guest side from start to finish.